There are so called guys out there called ‘players’ or ‘leach guys’, who use and dump ladies, I think ladies would know from the beginning that such guy is not looking for anything serious. The fact that a guy comes to you, profess love to you, doesn’t mean he loves you and want to marry you someday, he may just want to own you, get down on you and feel you in bed.
And the only thing you can do is to extremely quiz that guy before you go too deep, but first you must get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. If putting your requirements on the table means to risk him away, it is worth the risk; too many of you let guys get away with disrespecting ladies because of this ‘fear to lose mentality’.
How do you then strategize, so that you don’t get played? Start by making that man to pour out his mind, you must put off the right questions. If he turned off your questions then please show him the gate out of your life.
What then are these right questions, below are some. Remember no fear and be ready to hear the “needed” answers and not just “right” answers, because right answers are common.
1. WHAT FORM OF RELATIONSHIP DO YOU WANT?
Believe me some men are not just ready for a serious relationship, yet they want to occupy a space in ladies heart; they want to own you in other to satisfy either their emotional urge or sexual taste. Mind you they will come to propose to you, definitely they would say they love you but deep down they know they just want to fish on you.
So make sure you do everything possible to make sure he pours out his real intentions.
2. WHAT DO YOU THINK AND FEEL ABOUT ME?
This is one question you must ask in the early months of your relationship, because this question will reveal to you what his plans for you are and if he is marking out every opportunity to know the woman he intends to marry. I will say that you have to know how he feels about you, what attracted him to you and if by the little period you have been together, he has seen you as the kind of woman he wants. The shocking truth is if you don’t ask even if the guy sees you as someone he can’t spend the rest of his live with, you can’t know since he may still hold on to the relationship for reasons advantageous to him. So you have to ask him and listen to hear what he got to say and how he will say it.
I am sure that every man will give normal answers like, you are kind, beautiful, hard working, will make a nice house wife and God fearing. Don’t get too excited or carried away with this common adjective loaded answers. Let him give reason to every answer to your question like “How do you mean when you say am God fearing?” then relax, sit back and listen if he then begin to give concrete examples like *“remember the day I called you consecutively and you didn’t pick but later told me you were in church, only a God fearing lady will do that”-that is nice, so continue to ask him why he thinks you are whatever characteristics he attributes to you.* If he says you are kind, he must give specific reasons on how you have shown your kindness. So dissect his level of his specifics and deduce his intention from them.
The next question you should ask his *‘How do you feel about me?’* I want to emphatically say that what a man feels about you is totally different from *what he thinks about you.* A man may think you are a good lady yet he has no feeling or emotional attachment towards you.
I understand that after you might have asked the first question, the man may feel embarrassed about the second question; in fact he may either begin to feel uncomfortable and even reluctant, I want to tell you not to feel discourage, because you are trying to go into the part of a man, every man don’t like going to especially in the front of his lover-that’s the emotional part.
If he fight that part of him that is not made up of heartfelt/outpouring emotions and begin to talk and say things like *“whenever you are with me I feel complete and happy”, “when you are away from me, I feel incomplete,* uncomfortable and wish I could see you and know what you are doing at the moment’, in other words if his answer arose your own emotional unconsciousness too, then he is somewhat serious about you. Don’t get it twisted he may not be totally in love yet but at least he has some good feelings about you and if you do your part of the bargain well, there is every possibility that you both might end well.
3. WHO IS YOUR HUMAN ‘MASTER’ (Mentor)?
To say master he may not understand, you may have to break it down for him. A human master is someone whom your spouse take in high esteem, someone who is in the position to caution him when he goes astray, someone who he always listen to, someone who can scold him when he is doing something wrong. Someone he respects and fears beyond doubts. His master may be is mentor, pastor, parent or even brothers.
If after explaining what you mean by master to him and he says something like “I am a boss of my own, no one can question my decision”. Or “what do you mean, am grown up, why will someone scold me, I don’t have someone of such even my parent can’t, they respect my ALL my decisions”.
If that’s your partner’s response to this third question, then you have a lot of hurdles before you to cross, and its either you find the cross route now or you may suffer for it when you eventually marry. The truth is, that man that looks so innocent, caring and romantic may turn out to be a shadow of himself, when he eventually conquers (marries) you, and you may have to rely on his “master(s)” but if he has none, then there is a problem.
He may not want to tell you for ‘manly’ reasons, in such cases you may have to find out yourself.
4. WHAT ARE YOUR VISION, GOALS AND CAREER PURSUIT?
It will not be gainsaying that if you are going out with a man, it is not just enough to know his aspirations, plans, and visions but also to know how you fit into his plans and if your own drive and purpose in life does not contradict his.
When you ask him this question, I can bet you that he will be ready to talk from dawn to night, you know why? Because this is the only question that will give him the chances to honey coat himself, and paint himself in a way that you wouldn’t want to resist. Meanwhile I want you to be alert when listening to every adjective laden qualification he may give to himself and try to deduce whether he is working hard towards his goals or he is just a lazy dreamer talking rubbish.
The only way you can detect if he is trying to flatter you, is to ask follow up question. Imagine you have a white collar job spouse who told you he in next four years he wants to be self employed. You need to ask him, how he is going to achieve that. If he tells you “ I don’t know but I know it will work out it way” oops that’s a lazy dreamer. A futuristic man should say something like “I have been saying one-tenth of my salary to set up my own business.
What am saying in essence is, you must make sure you ask your spouse about his short term goals (like saving one-tenth of his salary) and his long term goals (becoming self employed in next ten years). In fact if you are asking this question after some months after meeting this guy then, while answering the question; he should include you in some of the stages he has set to achieve his goals.
I want to say that a man who has no defined goals or vision, he is not worth having you even if he looks glittering now, am certain that he will be craggy soon, and if you tie your life around him in the name of love, you both will get struck in his air built castle.
5. WHAT IS THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN YOU, YOUR PARENT AND GOD?
This particular question is every crucial, in fact I will suggest you ask him this question before you say yes to that man, as it will reveal a lot about him; the type of family he was brought up, the kind of father he has, the kind of mother that nurture him, his religious level and if he fears God.
First ask him about his relationship with God
how much he believes in God, how much does he serve God, how important is the house of God to him. Does he believe in God supremacy? And so on.
Be attentive on how he will respond, a God fearing man will sit well, look a bit ‘spiritual’ in his response, in fact he may even try to spiritually flatter you on many things he knows about his faith. After giving you an answer, you may also subject him to test like inviting him to a religious gathering, following him to his place of worship; study his relationship with his clergy and so on.
If you find yourself in the arms of a man who don’t have a place of worship, have no faith in God or have no intention of going, then there is a big problem. What moral, spiritual and divine measure does he succumb to, if not God?
*The next question you should ask him his relationship with his mother.*
It’s the first relationship a man has with a woman, and if he has a good relationship with her, then there are chances that he knows how to treat a woman. This is so since throughout our lives, apart from the fact that we grew up to know that our mother are to beloved, protected, provided for, through them we learnt how to appreciate and tenderly care for ladies.
If he doesn’t go along with his mother, there are tendencies that he may not be able to handle a family or even care for you, this is so since this is the first contact every man have with a woman, and any man who fails in loving his mother, doesn’t know how to cater for her, may find it difficult to do same to you.